2:15 – Finally start working on screenwriting homework due at 6.
2:30 – Notice internet is not working. Think it just needs to be reset and therefore ignore it because now finally maybe work can be done without distractions.
4:00 – Finish homework, feel proud of self. Begin to wrestle with internet.
4:01 – Reset connection from computer. Doesn’t work.
4:02 – Reset connection on router. Doesn’t work.
4:03 – Unplug everything, plug it back in, restart computer.
4:05 – Still doesn’t work.
4:07 – Call Dad. Told to do all the things I just did. Learn that it is probably an issue with the provider and not the connection here.
4:09 – While on the phone, have apartment invaded by former roommate, here to tell me that my new roommate is moving in right now. New roommate is a dude.
4:10 – New roommate is a dude? IT'S A DUDE? WHAT?
4:11 – New roommate is a dude? Are you serious?
4:12 – Decide internet situation is the bigger crisis, shut and lock door in order to better freak out about it.
4:15 – Restart computer.
4:16 – Restart computer again.
4:17 – Restart computer a third time, just in case.
4:20 – Get out phone, angrily tweet about everything bad that is happening.
4:45 – Finally stop tweeting, look at Yelp for nearby coffeehouses with free wifi, because I still have to send that thing by six.
4:50 – "This is your new roommate XXXX, he will be living here for the next ten days" - the x's aren't because I'm protecting his identity, they're because I didn't hear what his name was. We'll call him Roommate Phil.
4:55 – Find a Starbucks down the street. Of course there's a Starbucks down the street. Thank you Jesus for the Earth's Starbucks infestation.
5:00 – Change into clothes a human might be seen wearing in public rather than if they have been holed up in a cave for three days.
5:10 – Finally leave apartment.
5:11 – Discover that lotion has exploded inside purse. Want to die.
5:13 – Notice while driving that there is yet another ad for insurance stuck under the windshield wiper; become irrationally angry about it.
5:15 – Wow, that was the easiest time parking ever. Not sarcastic.
5:16 – Is that a homeless guy sleeping behind that bush?
5:20 – In Starbucks. Hopefully they do not notice me leeching off their internet without buying anything.
5:23 – CONNECT TO THE INTERNET, CONNECT, RIGHT NOW
5:25 – Is that a choir of angels singing?
5:27 – Check every single website before doing anything important.
5:30 – Compose message to send homework.
5:31 – "Attachment failed," are you serious right now Gmail.
5:36 – Finally send email with homework. 24 minutes early!
5:36-6:02 – Enjoy having internet.
6:03 – Leave without buying anything. Feel slightly guilty about it, then stop, because it’s Starbucks and they’re doing fine.
Sirens were not on, for the record. This is just how that guy drives.
6:10 – Back in apartment. Internet still malfunctioning. Roommate Phil keeps moving his stuff in. This is a lot of stuff for just ten days.
6:15 – More angry tweeting.
6:45 – Decide to read a book.
6:50 – This book is terrible. Really, really terrible.
7:50 – Read 100 pages of terrible book, to make sure it's terrible. It is. Start skimming.
8:45 – Finish skimming. What a waste of time.
8:47 – Tweet angrily about that book being terrible.
8:49 – Complain to Elizabeth about everything via text.
8:50 – Get some food from the fridge. Discover fridge is now stocked with Activia yogurt and Lactaid milk. Also a vegetable of some kind is sitting exposed on the bottom shelf.
8:50-10:30 – Refresh gmail/twitter/facebook/everything on my iPhone, grateful for the connection to the outside world. But it's not the same. IT'S NOT THE SAME.
10:35 – Is there anything on any of the 12 channels I get on my TV?
10:36 – No.
10:37 – I guess I'll just watch some of America's Got Talent, I've never seen this before...
10:59 – That was a waste of time.
11:00 – Decide to watch an old Avs game from this last year. The one where they beat the Canucks. Yes, there was only one of those, but it happened, and I downloaded it for the memories.
11:15 – Awwwwwwwww, look, Liles scored!!
11:20 – Oh, look, Shattenkirk and Liles just let them get a shorthanded breakaway chance. Maybe there is a reason they got traded after all.
11:21 – Like I care, I still love them. I STILL LOVE THEM AND I'M STILL UPSET THEY GOT TRADED ADLKADJFA;LDKSGJ
12:00: Finish game (I fastforwarded to the good parts), finally go to bed because without the internet it's hard to find reasons to stay up any later.
8:30 – Get woken up by Roommate Phil's Beyonce ringtone.
8:35 – Discover internet still not working, throw an inner tantrum.
8:37 – Awkwardly have awkward conversation about bus times with Roommate Phil.
8:40 – Roommate Phil has a pink and white bedspread, that's interesting I guess.
8:45 – Start writing liveblog, making up arbitrary and inaccurate times for everything up to this point.
9:00 – OF COURSE THE NEW SPIDER-MAN TRAILER GETS RELEASED WHEN I DON'T HAVE INTERNET, OF COURSE, OF COURSE
9:01 – Watch new Spider-Man trailer on iPhone, cry because it's so tiny and hard to see.
9:02 – Still looks so good though. So so so good.
9:04 – Decide to watch another Avs game. Footer's last game this time.
12:00 – Turn off Avs game after they win in OT, because tears will start flowing if I watch any of the post-game proceedings.
12:09 – Time for lunch.
12:11 – Fan above stove turns itself on. Realize I am the only one home. Decide that this apartment is haunted.
12:26 – Too afraid to go in the kitchen. In movies I always yell at people who stay in places that seem haunted, because OBVIOUSLY bad things are about to happen to them. In those moments I always think to myself, "I would never be that stupid," and here is my chance to prove it.
Unsurprisingly, it looks just like all the other grilled cheese sandwiches I’ve ever made.
1:00 – Roommate Phil comes back from wherever he went, goes in the bathroom and locks the door. You know, because otherwise I might like, follow him in there, or something.
1:05 - Start watching the Avs/Wings game where Duchene got his first NHL goal. A classic, in my opinion.
1:32 – The internet is finally back. The apocalypse is over.