Saturday, November 24, 2012

Ten Important Life Lessons I Learned from the Book the Kardashian Sisters "Wrote"

I’m not even going to bother to summarize the “plot” of this book, because there wasn’t one. I will tell you that Kourtney, Kim and Khloe wrote a book about three sisters named Kassidy, Kamille, and Kyle, and that every single thing that happens mirrors their real lives in some way. I also have a hard time believing the Kardashian sisters are capable of coming up with any type of original content or ideas, so I’m sure 99% of this book is autobiographical.

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I know it says $1.00 in the picture, but I got it for $0.75 on Half.com. I bought it as a joke birthday gift for one of my co-workers. Soon it will be out of my life forever.

Anyway, here are all the things this book taught me:

1. Just because you're poor doesn't mean you're allowed to be furry and ugly.

2. Fishnets and skull chokers are SO yesterday.

3. Money is power, and no money means no power. ("It was a lesson that haunted her to this day and seriously made her want to scream and throw things - at walls, at people.")

4. Date guys who are on Twitter so you can spy on them easier.

5. If you have to pee but there’s a long line in the bathroom, pour out some gin while you’re peeing on the floor to mask the smell. (Page 28.)

6. Shoplifting is like playing an Xbox game, for real.

7. This is what it looks like when Kardashians talk about Shakespeare:

lol

8. These are words: superannoying, superexpensive, supercool, superhungry, ultrasuccessful, superquick, supersmart, supernice, superinteresting, nonwedding, superfamous, supermad, vomitacious.

9. If you want to know what the temperature is outside, go to the weather website.

10. You can write a book about nothing with no plot and get it published if you’re a (super)famous airhead.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here lamenting the loss of the brain cells this book stole from me.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Selections From My Scarf Collection, As Modeled By Clark the Bear

I’m addicted to scarves. It’s a thing now. Officially. I think this has to do with it finally being fall and chilly most days and I have a job to wear them to. But yeah. I have 25 and counting. “Sarah, do you really need all of those scarves?” Um, no. This isn’t about NEEDING.

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scarfs, scarfs, scarfs, scarfs scarfs scarfs, everybodyyyyyy

I wear a scarf pretty much every single day it’s cold enough to justify wearing one. I would model them myself, but I’m too lazy, so Clark’s going to take over that job for me. He is named after Clark Kent. He has two outfits – a plaid shirt with jean shorts and then, naturally, a Superman costume – but as I have said time and time again, to the amusement of many: “He’s not as comfortable to sleep with when he’s wearing clothes.” What. It’s the truth, all right?

Let’s start out with my two newest acquisitions.

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I call this one my Sherlock Holmes scarf. I went searching for a red plaid scarf because of my newfound obsession with Elementary, in which Jonny Lee Miller wears a scarf marginally similar to this one. It’s not a perfect match, and mine was $5.90 from Forever 21. His is probably ten times that expensive and not from Forever 21, but I’m pretty happy with it. (If you are considering commenting and telling me to watch BBC’s Sherlock because it is better or something, please refrain. I’ve seen it. I like Elementary better. Not sorry. Steven Moffat ruins things.)

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I wouldn’t say this is Clark’s best look, but we’ll make it work. I saw this on ModCloth a while ago and had been salivating over it, so I finally just ordered it the paycheck before last. I can’t explain my love of things with deer/elk on it, so don’t ask me to. It also has little squirrels and hearts. And now I see ModCloth has put it on sale. Great. Oh well. (Fair warning, ModCloth WILL suck you in, so click that link with extreme caution.)

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Here’s one for when you’re feeling patriotic. I have no idea where I got it. Target, possibly? Anyway, if you’re American, don’t forget to vote. Tomorrow is the big day.

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This is a scarf Elizabeth gave me for either a Christmas or birthday present, I can’t remember which. It’s one of my favorites. She got it in Ohio somewhere, so good luck if you want one just like it.

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Another one from ModCloth. It’s more summer-y and light, but it’s long enough to wrap around twice, which is why I like it so much. They have it in a bunch of different colors, but the indigo one is currently sold out. It’s called “Crinkle in Time.” (Again, ModCloth links are dangerous!)

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This is a FashionABLE scarf. I love, love, love this one. FashionABLE is a non-profit organization that works to create sustainable jobs for women in Africa. The women who hand-make these scarves used to be suffering in poverty, forced by their varying circumstances into prostitution. Buying these (admittedly somewhat expensive) scarves helps them build better lives for themselves and their families. Because of the price, I had put off getting one for a while, but I finally went ahead and ordered this Abeba scarf. Each scarf is named after the woman who makes them and they come with a handwritten note from them, thanking you for your support. The whole thing is great – you get an awesome, cozy scarf that people will give you compliments on, and you get to tell them about a great cause.

That’s it for our fashion show today. Hope you enjoyed. I will leave you with this amazing new Mumford & Sons video directed by and starring Idris Elba. It’s my favorite Mumford song and this video is beautiful.